This week's lecture summarised the ways in which we show politeness, linguistically. Such politeness often is interlinked with various other complex factors, such as formality of the occasion, the relationship between the relevant parties (maybe such as power distance) and not forgetting, culture. Polite may mean slurping noodles loudly, like in Japan, while it may be impolite to ask for tomato sauce/ketchup in a fine dining establishment (it's insulting to the chef. you're supposed to enjoy the fine subtle flavours of your aperitif). Anyway, the point is that even politeness is culturally-specific. Don't go round flashing the thumbs up or OK gestures everywhere you go. Another thing to note is that there is a right time to be polite. Don't be formal to your army buddies or you'll be outcast. And definitely do not be formal in life-and-death situations like in the above comic or someone may die.
Regarding the maxims of politeness, they may seem foreign, but only because of the terms used, like "Approbation". What they mean, is actually already second-nature to us; we practise it everyday, without even being conscious that we are trying to be polite. The Approbation maxim basically tells you to praise others, don't criticise them. We all know that. Even when writing letters, we praise the other party first, before making any request.
I was just thinking about the agreement maxim, and whether it holds true in all situations. Do you really want people to agree with you all the time? Personally I would rather people agree partially, and also have their own opinions. It would be really obvious if people 'parrot' you all the time to make you like them, and it may even backfire if they start to think you're weird, or boring. Also, I guess you could twist the maxims sometimes, like when you tease a friend, or go into a mock argument with them, it may go towards building the relationship instead. So... it just confirms the fact that politeness is relative; our genius brains automatically take into account who, when, where and calculate the best possible trajectory of action, ultimately, to make the other person feel good, and like you.
Hi Jia Hui, I agree with you about the "agreement" maxim (hahaha). I think people shouldn't agree all the time, just for the sake of politeness. Instead, I think what's most important is to phrase your disagreement in an unoffensive way, so that friendly debate and teasing can contribute to building positive interpersonal relations.
ReplyDeleteI know how in some cultures, burping is a sign that you really enjoyed the food! Besides that, i think you've got an interesting post, stating that politeness is relative. I guess experience teaches us best, we learn along the way about what we should or should not do in the presence of people apart from our culture. At the end of the day, all these are theoretical frameworks that give us head knowledge, but its application really boils down to the nature and personality of the person we converse face to face with. He or she may or may not be like the general profile of a person from his/her country.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that one agrees first before stating their disagreements shows that the maxim of agreement is in operation. But you're right that politeness can be relative, as disagreement can be used as a positive politeness strategy.
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